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L's joanna's final straw's |
Jen's danny's edward's |
x's poitier's shannon's |
bethany's zoi's dreamer's |
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"Your why page is the story of my life. Only I am a female.
This was my second marriage. First one left, too, but you know I didn't care. He wasn't my one in a million. And yes you know in your heart when your one in a million has come along & then left you to try and figure out what to do with all this love you have in your heart to give & no one wants it.
One can only hope they survive & never get involved again so as not to go thru this again. But in this case, where can one get a hug so your arms and back stop that infernal aching??
What this leaves us with is a society full of people who are hurting & angry and we tend to take it out on whoever is near. God this sucks, doesn't it??
Good luck to you. All women are not alike. Some of us just want a family, a love, and peace."
"Thank you for putting up this page. Some of the comments I have read here strike me as very thoughtful.
I think that what we are all missing in the 90's is a sense of community, a sense of belonging to something, a sense of having some place in the world.
We place all our expectations, all our "emotional needs unmet" on our spouse. This is a terrific burden for any human being to carry for it's hard enough to carry your own life let alone accept responsibility for another. I am married to a man who blames me for all his failures and weaknesses in life and is unable to see the part he plays in his own destiny. Consequently I may well soon be a divorce statistic because it's much easier to find someone to blame rather than to take responsibility for one's own happiness.
My philosophy of life - If you're not happy get out and DO something, work on your OWN life and find some MEANING rather than wasting a lot of time trying to win your spouse's APPROVAL. Is a relationship the ONLY place to find happiness? How about work, children, hobbies, vacations, friends. Some people seem to think unhappiness is caused by marriage. Some people seem to think that divorce has solved their problem but actually the fact that they have finally taken a look at themselves and taken some meaningful steps to make their life better has surprisingly made them happier and had they done this within the marriage they might still be married. And if they haven't done the self appraisal, and take a second plunge into marriage the chances of problems arising and dissatisfaction with that relationship are statistically pretty high.
At 42, I'm not a Generation Xer. I think divorce is just becoming more prevalent as a reflection of our culture. I agree with another comment about teaching our children the ability to solve problems rather than teaching them to abdicate responsibility.
I heard an interesting little story recently about a young cat who had gone to cat school philosophy 101 and learned that happiness is located in the tail so he figured he would chase his tail, clamp onto it, hold on tight and get through life in this manner. He was discussing his philosophy with an old alley cat who agreed that happiness is located in the tail but went on to say that his philosophy was just to walk straight on down that alley of life and happiness just seemed to follow him."
What I want to know is: what is the final straw? When do I "hit bottom" and decide that this is it, this is the final time I hear the words "I can't live like this anymore" only to find his arms around me in the morning?
We have been married for 3 and one half years, after dating off and on for three years. We, too, thought we would have a strong marriage because "Something is always pulling us back together." I know now that the "Something" was probably convenience.
My husband works hard, as do I. We used to have very different interests. What "pulled us together" was our latest hobby together... My question is this: I know that some people stay in miserable marriages "for the kids". I also know that this is not healthy... Sometimes I feel like trashing it all and starting over. I know that I am a strong, emotionally sound woman. I know that 30 is not too old to start over. I am just so scared, not knowing what to do. What will be the final straw?
When are the men going to get it? Women do not want warriors. Warriors are obsolete. In fact, they never served much purpose as far as I'm concerned.I think men invented war in order to give themselves something to do. War is a big dangerous game, stemming from the human inability to share toys, and the patriarchal concept of property.
Maybe warrior/hunter type men have a need or compulsion to constantly imagine an enemy. Or maybe it's because their genitals are exposed and there's a basic insecurity there...i don't know. I do know that in ancient civilizations, it was women and children who actually did most of the (vegetarian) food gathering. The hunt is akin to raquetball: a way to get some aggression out and avoid doing the dishes.
Well guess what? Times are a'changing. Women want to share the economic responsibilities as well as the domestic ones. We want it all. We want happiness, just like men do. Women have made huge gains in terms of redefining their role, and the possible problem here, as I see it anyhow, is that men are still struggling to catch up. "Manhood" is starting to have to be re-examined. Real men do eat quiche...hell, then bake it. Still, today's young men are comparing themselves to their fathers, who, due to generational factors, are still pretty much the breadwinner types.
Women, to be fair, also fall into the constant trap of expecting their husbands to act like their fathers. It's a seductively easy mistake to make. Men today are trying to meet their wives complicated emotional expectations while still trying to please their fathers.
Advice for men? Forget about trying to please dad. Look at your wife as a person, not a dependant. Think of her as a man with a womb. View marriage as a truly equal partnership. Discuss the roles that each of you are playing. Be brave. Bring up the hard stuff, don't be afraid of crying, of saying things that won't make you popular. Grab an emotional clue! See a counsellor sooner rather than later. Keep talking. Look forward, into the future, strap on an apron more often. Don't sleep with teenagers, or women who have not yet developed a sense of themselves.Don't take the easy way out. Grow the hell up. We have.
"Lacking the necessary means to distinguish which values work vs. which values do not might be the major culprit. Often we may model what makes us feel good, even when it is only a temporary good/high/gain that is offset by an ensuing extreme low.
Our parents were sold the same bill of goods we were.
The difference though is we've faced it at an incredibly faster rate, because of the speed of our current media culture. There are so many masks to model today, many of them a mere marketing gimmick/buzz/cheap high with expensive consequences.
The bill of goods is that people often believe that they are "normal", "healthy", "mature", with a strong sense of this is the way it is, this is who I am, everyone's doing this so it must be OK.
This is the nature of Maya - when you believe your own press clippings, life's droppings, actions as absolutely sane, without critical thinking/analysis, you are doing exactly what the previous generations have done - march to the drummer of a common denominator, so as not to stand to far apart from the herd mentality.
I come to these conclusions as a 37 year old who sees himself as on that cusp between baby boomer and Gen X'er - old enough to remember what I was doing when Kennedy was killed, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan etc., yet young enough to be amongst the first generation of children of divorce as it became the new lifestyle choice for our culture.
The rising generation of adult children of divorce, will balance the scales once they've made the same dysfunctional leaps in logic that their parents made. Eventually such children are drawn towards being healed, sane, rational, seeking closure. Usually because they love their kids and recognize that multi-generational dysfunctionalism ends with the simple choice of wisely seeing the pattern for what it is - an emotional need unmet.
This value has been propagated and flourished within a culture thriving on divorce litigation as opposed to mediation, extreme gender feminism which says equality can only be achieved by recognizing the damage patriarchy did to previous generations, exposing it and making today's sons and fathers feel shamed.
The blame game is a vicious circle. Only forgiveness can bring closure, healing and an understanding of the costs of poor, unhealthy emotional, intellectual, spiritual choices
That's why we can't deal - it means we have to work rather than escape with fun, fun, fun. When this is coupled with the astonishing rates of functional illiteracy today, we have a major communication gap: We can't accurately describe what is happening to us, because we do not possess the necessary cognitive language skills to properly describe the current state of emotional reality.
In other words, much like children, we can express frustration and rage over desperate situations, but we cannot formulate on a cultural level that is widespread and pervasive, a healthy model of behavior to communicate, negotiate, mediate or even litigate when it comes to divorce.
Go to any court in North America - Mom and Dad bash each other before a judge who has neither the time or resources to figure out what is really going on. rarely does anyone say: It's nobody's faulty - divorce drives people crazy - we need time to heal our new family configuration. The result: Father absence, damaged latchkey kids, billions spent on welfare, parental alienation syndrome as a cultural norm.
Your analysis is really very good and there is much I agree with.
When we as a culture value healing over fighting; love over violence; can distinguish that some acts of violence sometimes are "a necessary evil" simultaneous to being "the lesser of two evils" preserving lives (e.g. when faced with decisions like in the last two world wars - do we fight and save millions, or capitulate and enslave billions); when we can recognize that such dilemma's are part of the human experience, common both at the macro and micro level; when we can get past political correctness and value that which promotes the best solutions for all concerned, we will have evolved far beyond our potentials as a species.
Maybe that's when the birth of a new form of humankind will emerge: The sane rational sentient caring being that does not pollute it's own backyard for momentary gain and domination over others. Perhaps this is when we will realize that the alchemists had it right to begin with: We live in Paradise Lost - there is no scarcity, just an illusion of needs unmet, due to a lack of creative thought and impetus.
The recognition that you do take it with you, but that I'm not referring to the green stuff in one's wallet, but the green stuff in the fridge (if you subscribe to the Hindu view of re-incarnation as one possibility) The recognition that we all could likely benefit from will to truly, truly care - unselfishly, and to pass that as the major legacy that our children require: The ability to solve problems rather than run away from them through abdication of responsibility.
By accepting that life is hard and then you die, so consider passing a smile and some compassion rather than baring your fangs when adversity strikes to challenge your creative spirit...
can ya dig it?"
"i enjoyed your article ... although i find myself in the same sort of situation.....after 10 years of a relationship....5 dating..5 married...we were"perfect"..... now we just separated////she says she needs her "space" .... that i am obsessive...possessive....smothering.."controlling..... she states that it is NOT my fault...i haven't changed....she has... i am hopeful we will reconcile our marriage and be one again... it is just SO difficult to see her like this...she is cold..and seems uncaring...me on the other hand have been a complete basket case...cause this was a great shock to me....she says she has been having these feelings for about 6-7 months..and thought they would blow over....and WHAMM!!! she springs this on me??... and YES i now realize JUST how controlling i actually was....not letting her wear specific clothes////go out with friends...etc.:....i just hope it is NOT too late. We also have a 22 month old daughter??!!!!
HELP!!! any suggestions would be great!!! we have been separated for 3 weeks......although... i kept going back to her...wanting to talk about it...and the more i did that the angrier she has gotten....it has now been 7 full days since i saw her!!!! is she dealing with it???..am i dealing with it properly??.... we are going to marriage counseling...i just don't know if she is going to actually try and save our marriage or is she trying to help me deal with losing her????"
thank you,
Edward
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Hi Edward,
I am a woman, married 27 years to the same man, a mother and grandmother of all boys, and a divorce lawyer. I have observed and lived the "marriage dynamic" for many years. If you are not living so much inside yourself that you are able to take a realistic look at yourself as a woman would see someone like you, you can probably start to see what went wrong in your marriage, and if you really want to, do something about it. You admit that you were a controlling person and that you did not allow your wife to wear certain types of clothing or go out with friends. That is not love, Edward, that is possession. Some men appear to measure their own masculine image by proving to other men their ability to control and dominate a woman. Their perception of their masculinity (as reflected by other men) seems infinitely more important than the woman's feelings, needs, or well-being. The two values are opposite and cannot coexist. These men refuse to let themselves really know a woman, because it is a lot easier to dominate and control someone whose feelings and needs you don't have to acknowledge. If you are one of those men, "your" woman has to live isolated in your little emotional prison, with no one willing to listen to her own real concerns, opinions, hopes or dreams (and not the concerns you think she should have). She cannot turn to you because you do not really hear her. She cannot turn to friends, because you won't let her have any. How would you like to be possessed, kept in an emotional and social cage with someone else deciding how you should or shouldn't feel, with whom you should or shouldn't associate, or even what you should or shouldn't wear? How would you like the thought of having to waste your young life in that prison until death do you part? Maybe in the beginning your wife thought she could do it if she was strong enough to deny her true self over a lifetime, but simply collapsed under the sheer weight of your control. You suffocated her. I had a woman divorce client who lived with a man for 9 years as equal partners and good friends, but then married him and filed for divorce within one year of the marriage. He suffocated her. It seemed that, until they married, he was able to relate to her as the separate and different person she was, and was able to respect her different needs and opinions, even if he did not always agree. After they married, he was only able to see her in terms of what he was carrying around in his head in terms of "what a wife should be." It was some impossible saintly image, and she, being a very nice but ordinary person, wasn't it. She tried to talk to him about it, but he became instantly and magically deaf to what she said, and instead heard only what he thought she should be saying. What you should do, Edward, depends on what you really want. If you want a woman to control and mold into the image of the perfect wife you are probably carrying around in your head, one who can deny her own emotional and social needs for the rest of her life so you can feel like a big man in front of all your friends, you are not going to find her among mortal women because she is not real. Even if you were to find someone insecure enough to try to fit your specifications, my money says she won't be able to keep it up over the long haul, and you will be constantly battling her true nature, which will keep trying to come out. You will likely find yourself trying to punish her for her true nature coming out, and that, my friend, is a surefire recipe for legal and other great disasters. On the other hand, if what you want is real grown-up love and real long-term intimacy with a warm, living, breathing, intelligent woman, I suggest you throw away your "perfect woman" image and start looking at, listening to, and appreciating, the woman as she really is, differences and all. Variety is the spice of life, after all. Give it as much time as it takes, don't press for or rush into sex (that will surely kill your chances). Give her as much room as she needs, and get to know her. I don't know if you will ever be able to do that. Listening and really hearing what the other person is trying to say rather than what they think she should be saying is nearly impossible for controlling people. You have to consciously try all the time for the rest of your life with her or risk losing her. This is not a magic pill to use only to get what you want so you can get back to business as usual. It may or may not be too late for you to start anew with your wife. Nothing kills love and loyalty quite so quickly and completely as being controlled. You may have already killed it dead. She is likely to interpret your repeated attempts to contact her as your trying to "strong-arm" her into going back to business as usual. She knows from past long-term experience that you'll give lip service to anything long enough to get her back where you want her, but you won't really hear her. If it's too late with her, just back off. You owe it to your daughter to be as friendly and respectful of her mother as possible for her sake. Find another woman, someone who is basically mature and a happy person, and start anew the right way. It's kind of nice. Try it. Take the word of someone much older and wiser: truly hearing a woman and respecting her separate needs and opinions has never caused a precious part of a man's anatomy to fall off. |
"I've been divorced now for only a week after a long year of "riding an emotional roller coaster".
The end of February last year my husband of 20 years came to me with tears in his eyes saying he was "having a midlife crisis, didn't know if he wanted to be married and had to get away for awhile to think things over".
He left and was gone for 4 days and then came back - in tears again - telling me of his love for me and our family (2 teenagers) and he wanted to work with me to "recapture what we once had". Well, for 3 months we talked, talked and talked and I thought things were going well, but I never could get him to say what I needed to hear the most: I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I'd ask him about "forever" and he'd say stuff like "who knows what forever is?" etc. etc.
Finally one Sunday morning in July he told me that he had met someone else and couldn't get her out of his mind. He couldn't understand how "God could let him fall in love with two women at once". That he loved us both, but in different ways. He had to go see her and find out what those feelings really were.
So off he went for 2 days to visit his New Love who lives across the state from us. At 5 in the morning he called on the car phone in tears saying he loved me, loved our family and wanted to make it work. This was the first week of July.
Well, now I had to cope with the sad truth that I had been cheated on after 20 years of marriage. The weight was really starting to fall off of me now. Sleep deprivation. Couldn't eat. I lost 60 pounds in 8 months. We talked, cried, and eventually I was to the point where I felt so confident I was calling the "other woman" the Marriage Angel who brought us back together after we had drifted apart. He got tears in his eyes and held me so close and said that she is a nice person, but he loved me.
Finally, 3 months after he told me about the affair I told him was able to forgive him and I wanted to go on with our lives and keep our family together. He then said that "he couldn't commit to me because he didn't know what these feelings for her were and he didn't know what he wanted".
So on September 29th he left. A week later I filed for divorce. The depression really started to set in and I became suicidal. I had sleeping pills, booze and prozac and a plan. I was going to end it all. Finally after watching me cry all weekend long my daughter couldn't go back to college after being home for the weekend. I told her "yes, i need help". Called the shrink and got into a program of intense group and individual therapy.
By the way, the husband was still saying "I don't know who/what I want". I would ask him -- should I completely give up hope that we can be a family again? He'd say "do what you have to do. I don't want to encourage you and give you false hope, but I don't know what I want".
The roller coaster is now over. The divorce is final. He's still with the other woman. (he ran into her at a highschool reunion in the summer of 1995 -- BEWARE REUNIONS, EVERYONE! THEY'RE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!)
As marriage goes on for years, the passion comes and goes, but I always thought that person would want to be a member of my FAMILY. But I was wrong. A man can throw a wife away like a used kleenex if someone comes along who makes him feel alive again. Thank God the Other Woman is OLDER than me and from what I've been told not as pretty as me.
Oh well. Another one bites the dust. But I am lonely. I have a lot to give. And I deserve a lot more than the cards I've been dealt. To be told "I love you, I'll always love you, but I'm not in love with you" is a crock. Love is never making your WIFE feel like she has been left all alone for someone better while all the while you say you will always love her. Well, that's my story. Who knows how it will end?"
x
"Excellent page.
I stumbled upon it while searching for divorce statistics, but stayed because your story was so compelling. And, unfortunately, it's a bit similar to mine. My soon-to-be-former-wife and I started dating sophomore year in high school, at age _15_. Our relationship survived high school, college (separate schools - 450 miles apart), military separations, money problems, radical career changes (I left a career as a naval aviator for her) -- but it couldn't survive marriage. It's strange -- we still have excellent phone conversations; we still share the same hopes, dreams, and desires -- yet in all likelihood, we'll be divorced some time this year.
I'm in my late 20s, and I've seen both sides -- I've seen my friends' marriages both crumble and thrive. I don't think this divorce epidemic is a Generation X thing, but a societal thing. Divorce is no longer taboo -- it's easy, accepted, a tongue-in-cheek joke. In fact, I was _amazed_ at how easy it is to get a divorce here in Massachusetts -- it's WAY easier than getting married. Still, I fear for my generation, because our collective "lack" of "standard" morality thrives in this Simplo-divorce environment. Our generation, for whatever reason, is extremely selfish, and lacks the ability to put society, or pretty much anything, over self. I would really fear for our nation if our generation ever found itself in a World War II-type conflict; I don't think we'd be up for the challenge.
My separation has been brutal. I've lost the love of my life, I've lost all focus, I've lost direction, I've lost my dreams and my goals. It's hard to recalibrate and that's what's so rotten about separation and divorce - it seems to negate all the love that was once there. I always thought that divorce would be the inverse of marriage, but in my case, it's not. I'm not getting a divorce because I want one, like I wanted to get married; I'm getting a divorce because I don't know what else to do."
" This is from a 28 year old female who has been divorced and is now engaged to be married for the 2nd and final time.
My parents are divorced. One set of my grandparents are divorced. My father has married three times.
I am a firm believer in relationship education. You know how kids who are abused are more than likely to grow up and be abusers themselves? Well, the same holds true for dysfunctional family habits. Reprogramming, or rather, re-learning, new, healthy, and pro-active family habits need to be learned and implemented. You can attempt to get rid of the old and negative things you learned from your own parents. Learning the positive and productive characteristics that hold healthy families together has to be the next step. It's time we all take responsibility for our learned handicaps.
My divorce was the biggest learning experience of my life. I use mine, as well as my parents', to learn from. Now, I am in school to become a family educator. I refuse to call it family therapist because therapy is for people who are usually sick in one way or another. Most of us reading this column need to be educated. Why don't they teach the fundamentals of family life in school? Most do not get it at home, that's for sure.
Instead of marrying to fill a void, which many of us do, (I did) fill that void with the education about relationships, marriage, commitment, and family life necessary to be successful in it. Can you be a successful accountant or attorney without the right education and training? Hell no. Lets all wise up and learn the functional family style. Thanks for having this column out there. "
"Thank you for this informative and thought-provoking site! It seems your writing has stirred something within me. I feel compelled to write, if only because you've placed a great deal of intelligent thought and feeling into the subject of relationships.
So, here I am, 30 and seriously considering my own break up with a man I have lived with (not married) for 11 years. I can hardly believe it myself. Through the years I have struggled with this union thinking there must be something I'm NOT doing right; perhaps I'm not seeing clearly what needs to be done to make it work. I had no example from which to draw (my own parents divorced when I was three) so I believed it was I who needed to change in order to get along.
When discussing car insurance, lawn fertilizers, Internet Service Providers or the weather, he and I get along great. he is honest, genuine and kind-hearted. Everyone who meets him thinks he's such a "nice guy". What's the problem, then? I've been subtly haunted by the fact that I've never quite measured up to his (especially his parents) expectations. Whenever I try confronting him about our apparent situation, he brushes it off as something trivial. Or he simply says I'm "over-reacting".
I've come from very humble beginnings. Worldly possessions to me are like cotton candy--the taste is sweet, but there's really nothing "there". To him, working to "get ahead" to achieve a finer life-style has always been the priority. (I can't begin to tell you how many romantic dinners went cold waiting for him to come home.) I kept thinking all this time that eventually our differences would work out. I've steadily worked my way through college in a career that will not pay off financially, but for me, it is the kind of work that I would do for free. This decision has been met with the occassional suggestion that perhaps I could supplement the degree with something more lucrative. There's more than this, as you might imagine, but mainly the level of frustration at this point leaves my nights quite sleepless. I'm sure his level of frustration matches mine for different reasons.
Fond memories, fear of being alone, fear of never meeting someone to have children with has been about the only thing that keeps me with him anymore. Our values, our ideas about what's important are simply out of synch. I'm really at my wits end and quite frankly, I'm frightened too.
I don't think the advent of the Women's Movement has ruined the possibility of long-term relationships, but rather placed a huge question mark on what we need to do to consider the needs of both sexes without resorting to the banalities of society's definition of the sexes. (Just watching a dose of T.V. is enough to make one barf on the remote.) I've tried being the nice, complacent young lady, but the suit simply doesn't fit. When I speak my mind, I don't feel heard--like it's just an "emotional-woman thang". His father feels I won't make a good mother because I would expect Matt to compromise his time and career for the kids. It's not that I don't value a proper upbringing, it's just that I don't think corporations and society are progressive enough to encourage anything different than the status quo. (What's Matt's opinion? Who knows!)
I don't think this is a GenerationX thing. I think each generation has had their own trials and tribulations with marriage. I do agree that as a generation we matured emotionally at an early age. We're not as naive about reality. We're cynical, cautious, watchful. We're willing to seek alternatives and, like previous generations, we don't want to make the same mistakes our parents made... Yet we want to have all the usual life-fulfilling dreams met--dreams such as a productive career, cherished relationships, children.
I can't imagine a life without long-term relationships and yet I've never felt so incredibly lonely and misunderstood. "
I'm 26, and have been married for 5 years; the last year, however, my husband and I have been separated. We met when I was 17, and he was 21, but I had experience before him. We dated, then lived together for 4 years, occasionally breaking up and seeing other people, so that when we did finally decide to get married we felt we had a strong basis. In fact, we called our relationship "the foundation"; as if we both felt there was something so strong at the root, we could get through anything.
Then I went back to school, and he...well, he did nothing. Many people would believe I am exaggerating, but he himself admits that for the last 2 years of our relationship, all he did was watch television. I went to school full time, paid the rent and the bills through student loans, did the cooking, shopping, cleaning, and he watched television.
Naturally I tried to address the situation. I tried to be understanding, willing to compromise, open-minded; he said he would go back to high school to upgrade, and when he got kicked out for absenteeism I said, "Okay, well what are you going to do now?" No anger, no accusation...I just wanted him to do something. I didn't care what. I told him that if he came home one day and said it was his life-long dream to be a bus boy, that was fine with me. Or, if he wanted to go to school, that was fine, too. I just wanted him to be happy.
In the meantime, the stress of going to school term after term was getting to me. I couldn't take any time off, because we couldn't afford it. He was also critical and difficult, and depressed, and of course he was seeing a counsellor and was on medication, and I was as supportive as I could be. But finally, in the last 6 months, I had a breakdown, and started having panic attacks. I told him that now was a crisis time, and I really needed him to pull through for me. All I asked was for him to take some responsibility. I said, "I can't do everything anymore...I need you to help." He didn't, and on the night I left him it was because he accused me of faking my panic attacks.
I never wanted to leave. I never wanted my marriage to end. Neither of us did. But I couldn't go on like that. It would have destroyed me.
The thing is, after a year apart, we both have other partners we live with, and he and I are getting along better than ever. We both still love each other. And he's "better". He cleans, he's going to school, he's doing everything that would have kept me with him. My expectations weren't high; but I had the right to have some standards. Now he's living up to them, and I feel so torn. I want to go back to him, to try again, but when I feel that way I question my sanity. I remember the hell it was. And the man I'm with now is wonderful, sensitive, intelligent, gentle...am I crazy? My parents have been married forever, but they hate my ex now. They love my new man. My friends...well, truth is, the woman my ex is with is part of the circle of friends, and I just don't feel that I can talk to anyone. No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.
I need someone who's been there to help me sort out my feelings. I believe in marriage, and part of me says that if there is a chance to make it work, I should. I believe us "Gen X'ers" don't always understand stick-to-it-ness. But both my husband and I knew there would be rough times, and we dealt with them. In some ways, we had a very traditional, strong, committed marriage. But I'm also afraid of sacrificing what I've found in my new relationship...
Can you see why I'm confused? If anyone out there would like to take pity on this poor confused half-married creature, I'd be eternally grateful.
Thanks for your site...I've been going out of my head for the past few months, and now I feel like there might be some hope.
I have read the views of most of the people who have written out here. I don't know if I would be able to give a right opinion on this topic. I have been married recently, only one month since I got married, and I married for the wrong reasons, I married to make my family happy, I am 25, a sincere, warm, very ambitious and loving person. I had dreamt a lot about marriage I always believed there was someone who was made for me in this world, there were so many men who proposed to me, but I was waiting for the right person to come in my life, I did happen to like a man too, but it didn't work out. I was prepared to go for an arranged marriage, I come from an orthodox family and they were in a hurry to get me married and it happened, I got engaged 6 months back, and just after that I did realize I am not doing the right thing, but there was this family pressure, they made me believe that things would turn out to be fine, there used to be a lot sentimental and emotional blackmail that was done and finally I married the same guy, someone who is entirely different from me and the day I got married I realized I wanted a divorce. I don't know what it is like after a divorce, I just want to go back to my old life, not really sure if even that is going to be the same.
I can just give one advice to all those who are planning to get married, think well before getting married. And yes, don't marry for the wrong reasons, marry only if you are fully convinced.
Today I am shattered I don't know why my dreams didn't come true, I don't know what I will be doing with my life, I know after this I will get a new label of being divorced and I don't know how I am going to take it.
Yes, lastly I want to add I am a strong believer of God, and I believe everything that happens, happens for our own good, don't know how this was good for me, maybe I will realize this someday...
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L's joanna's final straw's |
Jen's danny's edward's |
x's poitier's shannon's |
bethany's zoi's dreamer's |
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